Niki

I am SO grateful that Craig volunteered to do an autopsy for Niki.  What he found was that she had extremely advanced pancreatic cancer.  My God -- I had NO idea.  She died, ultimately, of an internal hemorrhage. 

When Craig first told me about the cancer today, I felt badly for not having been able to treat it, but Craig said that the only way the disease could have even been diagnosed was with exploratory surgery.  That's why pancreatic cancer and ovarian cancer are generally fatal even in humans - there are no symptoms until they are so advanced that it's too late for a cure.   And even if Niki's cancer HAD been identified, treatment would have entailed removal of part of her pancreas and a big portion of her intestine - something I would never have opted to put her through even if we had discovered the cancer before she died.  

So after thinking about it for a while, I pretty much feel that if she had to have cancer, this type was the least distressing of any I'm aware of.  She had virtually no symptoms until she collapsed from the internal bleeding.  And after that happened, in less than an hour she was gone.  And even during that last hour, she didn't appear to be in pain - only frightened that she no longer had the strength to move around.  And I hope my being there with her during that last little while kept her calm.  It did appear to.  I'm really really grateful that I was able to be there for her.  (I still feel awful that Gracie died all alone.)

So as sorry as I am to have lost Niki, and lost her SO suddenly, I think I'm grateful for her sake, that it happened as it did. 

But her sudden death should be an emphatic reminder to all of us that we need to appreciate every moment of every day because there's never any way to know how many more days there might (or might not) be.  So let's all drink to Niki's memory, go hug our dogs and cats and horses . . . then stop putting off all those things we want to do with our lives "one day."